C S Brown

Not really, but they are not my favorite houseguests at the moment.

 

It seems that they figured out how to remove the drain cover in my shower. I'm sure that they had tons of fun kicking it around. That small piece of metal probably made the best hockey puck on the tile. That alone would have been a bit annoying, but it seems there is something more interesting than a hockey puck--a hole in the floor.  Yep, when you remove the little metal grate, there is a pipe. 1-1/2 inches, and nicely flush with the floor. In kitty terms, "Where do it go?"

 

Now, what do you do with a hole in the floor? Obviously, you drop cat toys down it.

 

Yes, I spent all day fishing cat toys out of my plumbing because my entire system was plugged. Sinks, toilets, and of course the shower. Water came in, but wouldn't go away.

 

I fished several things out of the drain today. In this order...

• 2 plastic balls (about 1-1/4 inch diameter)
• A stuffed mouse
• A bunch of feathers (ripped off the end of a string on a stick)
• Another stuffed mouse
• A small pillow filled with catnip

 

Finally, I managed to get the drains working. They still aren't perfect (it glugs loudly) but they drain. So, I cleaned up (including scrubbing the shower) and then... took a shower. I was filthy. After that, I sat down and started typing a blog... It goes something like this:

 

Anybody want two cats?

 

I'll be back on author duty tomorrow.

 

Until we meet again

Keep Dreaming

I have the first pass back from my developmental editor. As expected, I was raked over the coals. I'm not upset, however, because I deserved it. What is starting to emerge from the rubble is a much clearer storyline, with a massive reduction in noise.

 

My first pass over the comments wound up removing a bit over 5,000 words from the story.

My second pass is in progress. I have added about 2,000 words back, and expect to and another 1,000

 

Already, even though I am far from finished, I am much happier with the product. Things move along much more steadily, and a bunch of superfluous garbage has been hauled to the metaphorical curb.

 

I expect another week to get throug this pass. It is not a terribly easy thing to do. But nothing worthwhile is, right?

A second pass (to see where I screwed up while fixing my screw-ups) should be a bit easier. Mostly because I will have gotten rid of the worst offenders this time.

 

So progress is slow, but it is being made. Another tale is making itself ready, and sooner than you realize, we will once again be sharing and evening or two off in a far-flung land.

 

Until we meet again,

Keep dreaming

My favorite song (IYKYK)

 

I feel liberated, free, and somewhat nervous. I just shipped my manuscript off to my editor. Based on the feedback I have been receiving from my loyal readers (i.e. family who can't get out of it), my editor may never look at me the same. It is true that Signifying Nothing is a fantasy adventure, but it is also true to say that it is solidly within the genre of humor. My best description is that I wrote it to get all of my snark out in one swell foop.

 

But what a day. It feels like, after so long, that I am moving forward again. Editing is getting started, and I am waiting to hear back from my artist. I have some internal artwork commissioned, as well as the all-important cover. As to what text goes on the back, I haven't finalized that. But rest assured, it will probably be as odd as what is inside the cover.

 

I know there is still a lot of work to be done, but from here on out, it just gets more exciting. I find myself to be extremely motivated in this phase, putting in extra hours and making quick progress. I think it is because I can see the tunnel at the end of the light. Or maybe it is just my personality (I have none). Whatever it is, this part of the work invigorates me.

 

I don't have a date as to when this might appear in print, I am going to try and find an agent and see if I can get this one traditionally published. I feel like I have learned so much over the course of previous books that perhaps I have reached a point where that is possible. So, I'm going to give it a go. I will keep you apprised of the process as it happens. It's a new world for me, so I'm sure that I will make more than a few mistakes. Let's just hope some of them are chuckle-worthy.

 

I am now off to take a shower (it's been weeks - JK). I've been up since about 5am getting my work done, and now face an afternoon of relaxation and playing with my cats.

 

Until next time,

Keep Dreaming

Life is returning to normal. Okay, who am I kidding? I've never been normal.

 

Despite that, I am here to report a bit of progress. I have just completed the last of the action, and the manuscript lacks only the denoument. That's right, just wrapping it all up in a neat, tidy, little tangle--err... bow. I know what it is, but I also know that I need to stand up before the bloodfow never returns to my rump. But in only a day or so, it will be time to get this horrid mess off to the editor.

 

By horrid mess, I mean a script full of typo's and weird word selection. But it's normal for this stage. I have powered trhough this without editing what I have written. I have to. If I ever wanted to write half a story that never got finished, I would go back and re-work passages before it is complete. This would pretty much guarantee that I stagnate. Years from now, I would have a really good two or three chapters... and nothing else.

 

So, I have a tangle of tortured english. But burried in that morass is a story. One with a beginning, and middle, and--most importantly--an end. My editor will now take my mess and show me every place where a bit of work will bring the story out into the light. After many hundreds (twenty or thirty hundreds) of edits and rewordings, the story will be laying atop the rubble. Then, another editor will help me recognize where I can sweep the rubble away.

 

Once my thoughts are clean and fully exposed, a third editor will show me where to scrub and polish. By the end, a bright shiny tale of adventure will be ready to be double-checked for those last pesky misspellings and typo's that seem to breed every time I look away.

 

Fear not, intrepid reader, for this is not as time-consuming as it sounds. Sure, it's a lot of work, but I find it exciting. Each iteration brings the pictures in my head closer to life, and the end result is always something that I am amazed I had a hand in producing. 

 

So don't give up on me yet. There is another tale coming, and I am looking forwad to sharing it with you--soon. Until then,

 

Keep Dreaming

Not me. I actively avoid reality in all its forms. I find that denial is a valid method of dealing with life.

 

But my current manuscript... that is another story (pun intended). Almost 90,000 words and now building up to the last scene. As for what that is...

 

SPOILER ALERT:

 

     It is words, meant to be printed on a page or displayed on a screen and read for your enjoyment.

 

C'mon, did you really expect me to give it away on a blog? Give me a little more credit than that. Wait! Not that much credit, just a little. I wouldn't want to get a big head.

 

But seriously, folks. I have a few (read "few" with bolding and italics and multiple exclamation points) beta readers. I need more. I would like to have quite a few!! If you have ever wanted to get your hands on a book before everyone else, then take a look at my home page and check out the Call To Action section. I'm looking forward to hearing from you.

 

Other than writing, my life has been boring lately. My one item of interest is that I got my car's inspection completed. See, I told you it was boring. But it has left me a lot of time to get some things done. I can't complain, my life is wonderful--due in part to all of you who inspire me to keep going.

 

So until next time, remember that your dreams are more important than other's perceptions of you.

 

Keep dreaming

 

 

This has been a busy week. On top of all those chores that never seem to end, I had a few extra things to do. LIke updating my will and getting my brakes serviced. Of course, it hasn't been all bad. The STEM school here is getting into full swing, and I am volunteering my time working with the kids. Great fun.

 

The biggest one is that I am helping my friend with all the typesetting her new book. It is amazing how many details there are in just putting the words on paper. This is all on top of having written those words in the first place. She has been through this a few times before (it's not her first book), but it never really gets easier.

 

For those of you who are wondering just how complicated it can be, let me give you a breakdown.

 

First, you must decide on a trim size. Do you want 6"x9" or 5.25"x7.61" or... about five "standard" sizes are available, and custom sizes are possible (but more expensive). Next, margins. This sounds simple, but you have to remember a few things. Larger margins mean more pages, means more expensive to print. Smaller margins make it more difficult for a reader to hold, and too small can look crowded and cheap. Plus, the margin on the inside next to the spine (this is called the gutter) needs to be larger. The pages curl into the spine of the book, and if the gutter is too small, it is hard to read the words.

 

That's all well and good, but now we get to the text itself. First off, font. It seems crazy, but the look of the font on the page makes a difference in how the book feels. You have to match the visual to the tone of the book. Letters dripping blood and threatening violence simply don't fit if you are publishing a comedy. And what about the size of the font? Large print? Too big, and the reader is turning pages so often that it is difficult for them to remain engrossed in the story. Too small, and the reader is exhausting themselves before reaching the end of the page. Spacing between lines? Spacing between paragraphs? Spacing between scenes? All of this has to be taken into account for both feel and readability.

 

And what about chapters? Do they directly follow one after another? Or does each chapter start on a new page? And what is the font size for the chapter numbers/titles? How much space separating them from the text? Font decorations like italic, bolding, highlights? Centered, Left, Right, always to the inside or outside? Each of the details has to be answered one at a time.

 

Already it's starting to look like a daunting task, and we haven't tackled page headers, footers, page numbers, or some of the more difficult tasks--like making sure you don't have any pages with only one or two lines on them.

 

None of this even begins to touch on what to do if your text includes graphical elements.

 

This would honestly be a horrible task except for one small thing. You know that when you are done, with text all prettied up, title page and front matter laid out, back matter and extras included... you are ready to print!

 

Yes, the end of this is the whole reason you write. Your strory is going public. People are going to read what you wrote. THIS IS IT! That actually makes this kind of fun. Its the end of a journey, and if it is done right, the beginning of the journey for uncountable numbers of readers.

 

I am honored to have my friend ask me for my help with this, and we are almost ready to celebrate her amazing achievement. 

 

I'll let you know when it hits the market.

Ahoy there, mateys.

 

Welcome to my new page, and my new blog. I was forced to switch providers because, after my previous provider was acquired by another company (no names) the price jumped over 150% and the quality of the tools was reduced to a level that set a new low in usability. Blogs dissappeard minutes after publishing, images just quit working, and management was a nightmare of "error processing request." So, I made the move to here, and from the get-go, it is insanely better. Tools are more intuitive, and so far, all the problems have been mine. Also (thank you, thank you, thank you) the staff has been responsive when I needed them. So, much happier all around.

 

I have tried my best to ensure that the site is easy to read and navigate across all platforms. Unfortunately, I am an author, which means I don't have the money to own ALL platforms. But I have done my best to try and emulate them. But given the attention given to the management tools, I feel confident that it is fine. If it isn't--well, I'm a writer, not an I.T. specialist (hahaha)

 

So, feel free to comment, ask questions, write about your new favorite bagel. All good.

 

I'll be trying to keep this up to date with relatively interesting news. Just don't expect a daily post, I still have a book to finish.

 

Until our next adventure

Keep Dreaming

It seems like a couple of weeks ago I was preparing for April Fool's day. A week before that, I was 27.

 

Sure, that may be a bit of a hyperbole, but I am amazed at how fast the year is speeding by. But as fast as it has gone, I have managed to accomplish a few things.

 

My major not-quite-accomplishement is that I am currently around three-quarters of the way through my third manuscript. Of course, we won't know exactly how long the book is until it is finished, but I am estimating 100,000 words--and not just little words either, I've invented some real doozies for this one.

 

For some reason, this one has been more of a struggle than my other two. Several times I have had to delete chapters (my largest delete was 30,000 words) and start again. It has been difficult to keep the tone of the book where it should be. But that is neither here nor there, what's important is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I only pray that Terry Pratchett wasn't right when he said that the light was from a flamethrower.

 

So, keep checking in. I will be updating you on my progress, life events, and other random and disconnected thoughts.

 

Until next time,

Keep dreaming

This morning, a horrible screeching noise rousted me from my tranquility. After turning off the alarm, I proceeded to get up and drown my jangled brain cells in an elixir of caffeine. Finally ready to face the day, I showered, dressed, and dragged myself out from under the dark cloud hanging over me. (That last one is literal, it was raining cats and dogs this morning.)

 

Breaking free from the depressing liquid day—somewhere around Cañas—I drove into what can only be best described as "Death Valley, the New and Improved version." Sweltering heat, in the hundreds despite the early hour, combined with one-hundred percent humidity to deliver a knockout blow to my air conditioning. But despite the hardships, this intrepid voyager soldiered on.

 

An hour or so later, I arrived at the oasis of Liberia; only to find that the temple of cardiology lay at the center of a labyrinth. Bravely, I steered my trusty chariot through the narrow passages until I was finally able to locate the hidden treasure—a parking spot.

 

With only a two-block walk to my destination, I arrived at the doctor's office a full twenty minutes early. Through an insincere smile, the eldritch guardian stationed at the door directed me to take a seat in a room previously used to freeze sides of beef. There I sat, shivering and miserable until I was summoned.

 

Following the minion who had fetched me, I passed through a portal into a dungeon of white vinyl tiles and fluorescent radiation. More quickly than I would like I was ushered into a cell, whereupon my body began to scream for the warmth of the freezer I had just left.

 

Soon, the doctor arrived. Skinny, young (seriously, is this guy even 30?), and deadly earnest, he sat down and started the interrogation. After answering questions from "How are you?" to "What sauce do you think would go best with your sautéed flesh?" he started going over my medical records. Nose to the monitor, he studied report after report before uttering those magic words: "Hmm… uhh… well… okay."

 

My Spanish not being what it should be, I didn't quite understand. However, before I could get clarification, one of the ghoulish residents of this chamber of horrors opened the door and blabbered some unintelligible gibberish. This caused the master to respond in kind before turning to me and excusing himself for "5 minutes."

 

Some dozen "5 minutes" later, a hulking beast entered the room. She gestured for me to follow. Since she looked like she had just finished wrestling a puma, Bigfoot, and three crocodiles into submission, I decided that it was safest to obey. Woe is me.

 

I was taken deeper into this vault of atrocities to a dimly lit torture chamber. There I was told to remove my shirt. Not asked, told... in that subtle way that implies that your shirt is coming off if they have to carve you out of it piece by piece. So, of course, I complied.

 

As I was removing my shirt, she pulled a large square plate from a drawer that I can only assume was filled with liquid nitrogen. She placed it firmly into a fitting in one of the torture devices spread around the room, then grabbed my shoulders and slammed me against the frigid platter. I immediately froze to the device in a scene reminiscent of that childhood dare of sticking your tongue to a metal pole in winter. But she wasn't done with me yet.

 

Grabbing a lead blanket, she covered herself and retreated to an alcove in the furthest corner of the room. There, she flipped a switch. I believe that she was attempting to microwave me, possibly for lunch. Luckily, it failed, and I was left only slightly charred around the edges.

 

Returning to my side in a huff, she grabbed the icy sheet and ripped it from my back like a Band-Aid. As she strode out with the patches of my skin stuck to the platter, she issued a terse order to redress. Given what these creatures considered room temperature, I was happy to oblige.

 

As I was settling the rough fabric of my shirt down onto my raw and sensitive back, a gnome arrived to escort me to another chamber of horrors. Honestly, she barely made it past my stomach. 4'6" would be a good day in high heels. But, with nothing better to do, I decided to follow and see what would come next. I didn't have to wait long.

 

The door to my cell darkened, and my space was invaded by a normal-looking man who (much to my dismay) turned out to be a vampire. This creature of darkness grabbed my arm and proceeded to drain me of about 6 quarts of my blood. He packaged it into individual servings in little glass tubes; I think he intended to share me with his friends.

 

I was then left alone to contemplate my life choices through a dizzying fog of medically-induced anemia. After another half-hour's worth of "5 minutes," the mad doctor finally returned. It was then I found out how unimportant I was. Really? Some random guy comes in in "cardiac arrest" and I have to wait? Dude, haven't you heard of first-come, first-serve?

 

Regardless, I was now facing the mad master of this gruesome castle. I deduced that I was nearing the end. It was now only left to determine what end he had in store for me.

 

So, looking into the eyes of this soulless fiend from the deep nether regions of medical hell, I steeled myself for the news.

 

In the end, I survived the various attempts to drain my soul from my body, and emerged from the other end with as clean a bill of health as could be expected. Although he did not give me clearance to get my cataracts removed, maybe that is for the best. Do I really need to see what nightmarish creatures might be chasing me as I drive back across the hellish landscape before reaching the sanctuary of my mountain?